Like hills and valleys, we all rise and fall depending on where we stand. The paths of our lives, while identical, curve at different junctures with varying degrees. When I’m high, you’re kind of low. When you’re really high, I’m very, very low. We are never truly in accord with each other, and there is no such a thing as permanent synchronicity.
Hence the reason why it’s so difficult to maintain a true life partner. To expect another individual to follow the same emotional narrative as yourself is impossible. Therefore, the determining factor to a successful relationship weighs down on adaptation. Adapting to the idiosyncrasies of your loved one, and for them to do the same back to you.
When talking to a friend about a troubled relationship from a year ago, I mentioned how I’d grown “accustomed” to the person who I was living together with. It was a strange remark that has since stuck with me. For a lone wolf like myself, developing an acceptance for someone so different than my own - was new and unexpected. How I had become so co-dependent when just a few months prior, I didn’t care - is still a bit of a mystery to me. Or is it?
Adaptation becomes second nature the more time two people spend in each other. Otherwise, why put up with someone you don’t like if you’ve only known them for a week? You’re willing to sacrifice ONLY because you’re invested. But maybe, that’s where my problem lied.
After a breakup, we focus on details that pertain to the tail end of a relationship, without a second to spare for how it developed in the first place. The genesis, the beginning.
I’ll ask a tough question,
Did you even like the person to begin with?
Let that sink in for a minute.
Adaptation only works if it’s foundation is based on love and love only. Build it on any other material, and you can easily predict the results.
So when you’re high, don’t go reaching for what’s low just for the sake of finding equilibrium. Reach for something at your own wavelength, and when you do, remember that moment. And if you can’t recall, then you’re building a castle on the wrong terrain.
(Originally published April 17, 2018)