I wonder the purpose to which certain individuals cross my path. What is it that the universe trying to prove? Why is it that at my most fragile state, I’m subjected to witnessing my ex-girlfriend with another man? Why here, at Tompkins Square Park, a couple blocks away from my home - of all places?
I thought I’d forgotten about her. I thought I suffered enough in these past 6 months. Hasn’t my body had enough time to process everything? Every waking morning, I would hear the echo of her girly giggle coming through my ears. I couldn’t get her out of my mind. So I was especially grateful that she was starting to slowly recede into the background. That I could live my life in the moment once again, without getting sentimental about her silly idiosyncrasies, that bugged me so much at the time, but now, I recall with a wistful smile.
I stopped dead on my tracks on the southwest corner of Tomkins Square Park when I noticed those ever so familiar yoga pants from a distance. My body froze and became stricken with every emotion that I thought I had buried - suddenly resurrected. The heaviest black cloud started to emerge. “Really? Now? Why are you doing this to me. I’m not ready for this.” I think I was talking to God, or who ever had planned this heart-wrenching scenery.
Could this be my closure? My final pang of sadness before entering back into the real world?
She lifted up her head as she giggled at a joke made by her new beau. I looked dead on and she noticed. I can’t tell if she was surprised. But all she said was “hi”.
I hopped back on my bike, and made my way home.
I cried only a few tears when I remembered that this life, is way too short to spend ruminating on loss and sadness.
Later that night, I went out with a few friends to a club called Nublu. And I danced. I danced like I never danced. I moved my body in directions that it had never stretched and contorted before. I became like water, I became the very essence of life and the pure exemplification of freedom and liberation. I made new friends, I laughed, I showed genuine love not only for myself but those around me with complete confidence - bereft of the insecurities that had been looming over my shoulders these past 6 months. I felt a strange turning point.
No roller coaster ride comes to an end immediately after the final drop. There is usually a few more smaller drops before the ride slows down and brings you back to the ground.
Right now, I’d be lying if I said I feel just as free and liberated as I did on that dance floor a couple days ago, but I have no choice but to accept that what I witnessed, was the true catalyst to my recovery. That for every disaster, there is a purpose, and an opportunity for rebirth.
(Originally published April 29th, 2018)