There are two things that a man has to keep close to his heart. One is pride - and the other is self-value. If you’re not proud of your own achievements, or have the self-worth to realize what they are - what are you truly living for? What’s your purpose? After all, your legacy, regardless of size or color, is what you leave behind in this world. It’s important to know, and appreciate what it is.
I often think about my achievements - actually, let me take that back - I breathe, and cherish my achievements on a daily basis. My apartment - my palace - is an embodiment of all that I worked for in the last 6 years. Every time I step in, regardless of what kind of a day I’m having, I am reminded of how far I’ve come.
But what if you have both pride, and self-value, but someone is taking them out of your hands? What if they’re doing it, unintentionally - without realizing, or meaning to hurt? What if they’re doing it - at least from their perspective - with your best interest in mind?
I have a girl in my life right now - who I’m very enamored by. She is a very special human being to me.
We had a minor tiff a couple days ago. Amidst the fun and laughter of having a pillow fight, smoking pot, and listening to the Arctic Monkeys - she made a comment that seared right into my heart…
“I can’t believe you live in such conditions” - referring to my apartment - and the mattress I sleep on - which lies on the wooden floor as opposed to a proper bed frame.
With that one line - at least momentarily - I felt all of my achievements taken out of my hands. My trophies suddenly turning into dust. All of my failures, being reduced to a single mattress that we both happened to lie naked on - flesh to flesh.
I know she said it because she wanted to see me better off - but it still hurt. And before I could process what was happening - she was gone.
“What the fuck just happened?” - I thought.
My initial reaction was to put down a wall. To not see her again. I’ve been traumatized enough by those who’ve taken my pride and self-value away - I won’t ever let that happen to me again.
Strangely, just as quickly as I thought of this - I felt the passing of the storm inside of me. The calming of the tsunami waves. Almost a testament to how much I like this person her. That despite the harsh manner in which her words were pieced together - they came from a place of care. Even if the matter at hand was - superficial. At least to me.
I guess it feels empowering to know that I have the choice to decide what angle I look at the situation. Do I view this as a deal breaker - or, an opportunity to strengthen the foundation of our relationship? That’s entirely up to me. And that power of choice, is what makes me feel great - as opposed to sad.
Keep your pride close to your heart, find a decent outlook, and then love freely.
“Love is a risk. Do it anyways.”
(Originally Published 8/12/18)