There are moments that linger with you. Even hours and weeks after their passing, the impact still resides within. That nagging gut feeling following you everywhere - the one you can’t shake off. Sometimes it’s annoyance, sometimes bitterness, sometimes sadness. How funny is it that when happiness and elation are what we feel - we never seem to question them? And the instance an awry moment occurs - a moment that trails behind us for weeks on end, we angrily ask ourselves - “Why can’t I get over this?”
I hope that everyone finds their ultimate purpose one day. The purpose that silences all these petty exasperations that add up throughout the days. And believe me, there are plenty if you count them all - you can always find a problem if you look hard enough. But that’s too easy - and rarely ever conducive to anything good.
So what to do? I realize It’s easier said than done but, when you have a purpose - a higher calling for something - those little things really start to matter so much less. I really can’t say much else except to ponder over this if you haven’t yet figured out what your calling is. Maybe start off with something radical - like quitting your job and going hitchhiking for a few months. Dropping acid. Starting a podcast and inviting strangers into your home. Doing ballet. Anything that contradicts your normal tendencies - do it. Explore your brain, reach into those deep crevices that you never knew even existed. You’ll have a much better idea of your calling - if you just do something new.
I remember a few days ago, having a really tough night at work. Feeling very defeated by the very end. It was one of those days when every element is against you. Literally. I had lost my voice, so I couldn’t talk - let alone whisper. My guests were impatient having waited so long to be seated. Coworkers were irritated and overwhelmed by just about everything that was happening in the restaurant.
And then, someone snapped at me. Someone who I work with. I still don’t think this individual had the right to react in such a way. Especially considering how busy we all were. My mentality is always to work as a team and help one and other, instead of shunning and pointing out missteps. If you see an opening, and you’re not doing anything else - help out. Don’t make a face and reprimand - at least not amidst the chaos.
I remember kind of festering over that shift for a few days. It bugged me. I felt under appreciated, and treated unfairly for my best efforts. And then, I did a mürmur. And I no longer gave a fuck. I was elated from the onset of that conversation - it all made sense again. Everything that had lost meaning, suddenly blossomed in color again. All because I was back in my world - the place of endless possibilities. The safe haven that both aligns, and generates endless strength. My secret reservoir that keeps giving, and giving. My goldmine.
Then I thought back to my co-worker. Did this person have a goldmine to call their own? Perhaps not, at least not yet. And that’s worthy of compassion, not anger.
Higher purpose can be something as minor as handing a piece of chocolate to someone and watching their face light up. Just like that. The meaning of life derived from a piece of candy. You can’t believe you can do so much to influence someone with so little. Before you know it, handing out candy becomes your higher purpose. A way of life.
Let this be my metaphorical chocolate bar to you. Best of all, it takes no effort on my part. Plenty more where it came from - all in my endless goldmine.
(Originally Published 11/29/18)